I have always had a fear of heights – actually, it is more of a fear of falling because if I can convince myself there is no way I can fall, I don’t necessarily mind being up high, although I still get that horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. I’ve gotten myself in some precarious situations where I’ve gone up and didn’t have the nerve to come back down – like once when Ronald had to guide me down the stairs with my eyes closed at the Wright Brother’s Memorial at Kitty Hawk, NC because I just could not make myself start down the spiral staircase. At times, I think it is getting worse. For instance, while I was out Christmas shopping this week, I went up the escalator in two stores and in both cases, I had to take the elevator down cause I couldn’t bring myself to step onto the down escalator – I found them both to be moving a little too fast and both were pretty steep – I just couldn’t do it!
I tell you this for background info to give you some insight into the dream that is the real purpose of this post. I had a dream two nights ago that I can’t get off my mind. It was my typical odd combination of situations and bazaar topics.
I was with a group of people I didn’t recognize and some of them were talking about a local rocker who had died earlier in the day. I didn’t recognize the name, but still took the news very hard. I rushed out of the building to attend the memorial service. I commented on my way out that I had to get there early to see if there was anything I could do to help. The service was being held at a styling salon across the street. When I got there, the only person I knew was Ronald. He told me to sign the register, which was actually a questionnaire that asked for information about my hair – what color it is, when was the last time I had it professionally done, what products do I use, etc. There was also a question about if anyone in my family has ever had their hair done there – Ronald and I talked about how to answer this question and he finally told me to just say “yes”, so I did. The stylists were offering to fix the hair of the attendees, but I declined. Then, a man approached Ronald and I about taking us up in his airplane. Ronald wanted to go, but I didn’t, so I just told him to go on without me. But, the man would only do it if we both went. After a lot of coaxing, I agreed to go. When we got to the plane, there was only room inside for two people – the pilot and one passenger. I, again, offered to not go, but the pilot said that the wing was also used as a seat. I was very upset to hear that I was the one that would be sitting on the wing because he needed Ronald to be his co-pilot. I got up on the wing and held on to the little handles that were on each side of me with all my might. I asked the pilot if he was sure it was safe and he assured me that it was. We took off and I was surprised that the wind didn’t feel all that strong and it was easy to hang on. After a few minutes, the pilot came out on the wing and sat beside me to fly the plane from there. I freaked out and screamed out to him asking why he wasn’t inside the plane. He said he wanted to keep me company so I’d feel more comfortable and that he could fly it remotely and Ronald was doing his part inside. I told him I was NOT comfortable and it was scaring me. We landed and went in to the memorial service. I looked around wondering why I was there – I didn’t know anyone, including the dead guy – even Ronald was no longer there. I was suddenly petrified and felt the need to get out of there, but woke up before I could make my escape.
When I woke up, my heart was pounding, I felt out of breath, and I actually ached from being so tense. A few deep breaths and deliberate relaxing of my muscles calmed me down enough to try to go back to sleep. Sometimes when I wake from a dream in the middle of the night and go back to sleep, the same dream starts back up, again. I didn’t want that to happen this time, so I repeated to myself several times, “don’t go back there. dream something else.” It worked! But, I haven’t stopped thinking about it…….come on, Kim, move on and forget about it, already!